he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
