and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize