Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
