took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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