I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
