Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
