I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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