U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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