Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
