I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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