So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
