Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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