He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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