Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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