i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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