That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
