she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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