I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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