she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
