i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
