she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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