I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
