I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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