Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
