i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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