You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
