everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
