new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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