Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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