big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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