you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize