I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
