YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
