I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
