well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
