I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
