Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
