I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize