just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
