based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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