I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i wish my penis had a tongue
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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