I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
