she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
