I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
