Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
True strength comes from lack of pants
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
