go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize