he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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