from now on my penis is your penis
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I want to fling myself into the sun
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
