it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
