I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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