Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
