Only a mothe r could love this liver
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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