Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
They are going to name an STD after you.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
