Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
