I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize