Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
