genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
