Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
