Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
