i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
