i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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