I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
