12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Randomize