i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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