Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
