How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
