Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
