I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize