So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
