she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
