i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
