he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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