I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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