I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
