There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
