I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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