her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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