She is in my trunk
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
