I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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